The Loneliest Summer

Summer has always been my favorite time of year.  Growing up, I had endless freedom to explore and create my own adventures.  Popsicles, lemon aid stands, bicycles, sprinklers, crawdad catching, hiking, swimming, ghost stories under the lamp post at night.  I grew up, and I transferred my love of the summer to my children and lived vicariously through them.

Well.  CFS changes everything, doesn't it?  The Summer of No has turned into the loneliest summer.  Our 4th of July tradition when I was a kid was to spend the entire day at the beach.  We would build a big bonfire as evening fell.  We'd eat roasted hot dogs and marshmallows.  We'd pile up in camping chairs and under blankets as the temperature dropped and the night darkened.  Then we'd watch fireworks off the pier.  We'd fall asleep in the car on the way home, and my dad would carry each of us into the house and tuck us into bed.

What would I have done this year if I had been "normal?"  I would have enjoyed watching my kids in the 9 am bicycle parade, followed by water games and adult gossip at my neighbor's house on Saturday.  That night, I would have taken my kids to the secret dirt lot that is just perfect for watching the "early" fireworks.  Most of my friends know about this secret spot; we would have had little ones running around with glow sticks and necklaces, a table of snacks, and more adult gossip.  I would have gone to church with my family Sunday morning.  Then, in the evening, I would have watched my eight year old son participate in a patriotic choir performance.  I understand he was the loudest one singing in the first song, but he didn't yell.  The second song, he wasn't the loudest, but that's just because Julia was yelling, and that doesn't count.  (As described by my ten year old son.)  After that, I would have joined my family at another secret location to watch the big fireworks displayed from the city.  I would have tumbled into bed exhausted and happy after so much time spent with family and friends.

But I didn't.  Saturday, I stayed home and worked a little on my novel while my kids played video games.  I made them do a little housework; I did a little laundry.  Sunday, while the rest of the family was off enjoying the festivities (because my husband is wonderful that way), I watched multiple episodes of What Not To Wear and HGTV Design Star.

Sometimes, I really hate this disease.