Visible Illness

Well. I've decided to come out of hiding. I am going to post an actual picture of myself for my profile picture.

First of all, this is the picture I chose for my Facebook profile -- I think it's a good idea to show that I am a happily married woman on a social networking site, don't you think?



Second, this is the picture I chose for my family blog. I think it shows my joie de vivre, kind of fun and sassy, like me. I really do love my family and my life.




Finally, in spite of protests from my vanity, this is the picture I am choosing for my CFS blog profile:



The reason I chose this picture is because CFS is not an invisible illness. It is visible in the dark circles and lines that cover my face. It is visible in my furrowed brow when I'm in pain. It is visible in my hunched shoulders. It is visible in my gait and pace when I walk. It is not an invisible illness.

I have a few theories on why people don't see my illness. First, I think that many people are too caught up in their own "invisible illness" to notice my pain and suffering. Life weighs heavily upon all of us from time to time. It is difficult, and sometimes frankly impossible, to notice others' pain when our burdens are overwhelming and hard to bear.

Second, I think that many people just can't stand the thought of a friend or loved one having to go through this ordeal. It is scary to think that I will never get better. I've dealt with this kind of denial. To not have "me" back again? Ever? Surely, that is not something I embraced easily. How can I expect the people I love to believe it? No, I forgive them for holding on to the belief that this has to be something else, something the doctors missed, something that can be cured.

Finally, I think that there are just some people who won't see because then it would prove them wrong. They would be forced to look in the mirror and see someone who judges harshly, who believes the worst in people. They would see dark holes where their compassion and humanity should be. It would be an ugly image staring back at them. I pity these people most of all.