The Antidote

Hope: v. to wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment; to look forward to with confidence and expectation; to expect and desire; n. a wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment; something that is hoped for or desired; one that is a source of or reason to hope.

Hope is a dangerous thing. It builds expectations. It shines the light on the past as a titillating promise of the future. It paints tomorrow in such lovely colors. And invariably, if you give it too much attention, it disappoints.

I haven't given up hope. On the contrary, I honestly believe that I will see miracles, that researchers will find a cure, that I will someday be free from CFS. But, I think it is safest for me to keep hope tucked away in my back pocket -- always there, but never consciously acknowledged or relied upon.

Love is the true antidote to despair. A note that says "I miss you." A gift left at the door. An unexpected visitor who can only stay a minute. Words of encouragement, reminding me I'm not alone. Little acts of kindness. Hugs and kisses and that spot right under my husband's arm where I fit perfectly as we watch TV on the couch. These are the things that calm my troubled heart, bring peace to my soul, and remind me that this life ... this life ... is worth living.