Name Change

Anyone notice the new name for my blog?

Christmas and ME

Never is my disability more evident than at Christmas time.  I am the Christmas planner in my family, the decorator, the shopper, the baker, the card sender, the tradition enforcer.  I have been in the heart of the maelstrom, delegating and giving direction to all the parts of Christmas that I love which all lead into a satisfying, Spirit-filled Christmas day.

Not surprisingly, each Christmas since I came down with CFS has been increasingly different, increasingly simple.  Now don't get me wrong, simple is a good thing.  It scales back all the unnecessary and frantic materialism of Christmas and brings you to the heart of the season.

Yet this year, I kind of feel like it has stripped me of Christmas altogether.  I've done my shopping online, and I've almost finished, thank goodness.  However, there are no decorations yet.  No cards sent.  No stories read.  No cookies baked.  Just a huge to-do list of things that I need to do in an increasingly short period of time.

I feel like I haven't had time to even glance at the sky, let alone find the star and follow it.

Perspective

I believe that God led my husband to me.

Seriously.  The night we met, my husband had already had a date lined up.  But as the day progressed, he started feeling like he shouldn't go.  It was a persistent feeling; he thought maybe it was God trying to warn him that he'd get in an accident or something if he went.  Reluctantly, he called the young lady and canceled their date.  It was the first time he'd ever done something like that.

Now, with no plans for the evening, he had to scramble to find something to do.  Some of his friends were going to a church dance that night in Pacific Beach (San Diego).  They persuaded him to come with them.  He arrived late; it was after 11 o'clock.  He made the rounds, saying hi to the people he knew.  And then he saw me.

He knew the minute he saw me that I would be his wife.  He approached me and asked me to dance.  I said yes.  :)  We danced the rest of the night together.  He asked me for my number, and I wrote it on a gum wrapper and tucked it into his shirt pocket so he wouldn't lose it.

The first few dates we had, we talked like crazy.  He didn't even turn on the radio during the first few dates (and this is a man who loves music).  I had been planning on going up to Utah to go to BYU in a couple of months.  He decided he would quit his job and follow me up there.  I believe he would have followed me to the ends of the world, just to be with me.

It took him a mere three weeks to convince me to marry him.  I changed my plans, stayed home, and we were married December 10, twenty-two years ago.  Since that time, I would say that our marriage has fluctuated between really good and freaking amazing.

Why am I going through this story now?  Well, I have been participating in ItStartsWith.Us 's Love Bomb project.  Each week, I get an e-mail telling me of someone who is going through a hard time.  Then I, along with hundreds of other Love Bomb participants, drop by that person's blog and leave an encouraging comment.

This week, the person receiving these Love Bombs is a young woman who has been married for seven years.  She has two young children, and she is pregnant with her third.  And her beloved husband died just a few weeks ago in a hunting accident.

And suddenly, I'm thinking, I'm OK with CFS.  I don't mind it at all.  I wouldn't care if it continued to progress until I was in bed, like our dear friend Laurel, or until my eyesight failed, like our good friend Kerry.   I would only hope to face it with the courage and hope that they have.

And I'm OK with the financial troubles we've gotten ourselves into.  If we went bankrupt 60 times over, or ended up living in our van, I'd be OK with that.  And even if my kids get into trouble, struggle with drugs or teen pregnancy or failed grades or whatever, I can handle that.  Because I have my husband, that wonderful man who loves me enough to cross any ocean, climb any mountain, or stay by my side through any suffering I may endure.

Overdoes It

I overdid it yesterday.  How, you may ask?

I did my stretches and yoga.  I threw a turkey in the oven.  I folded TWO loads of laundry.  And I roasted some vegetables.

My sweet 13-year old daughter hugged me after dinner and said, "Boy, you really did a lot today, Mom."

*sigh*  This is why the type-A person inside of me is climbing up the walls.

Double Whammy

Close on the heels of my root canal, I came down with the flu.  It has wiped me out completely.  You know, prior to this, I never really connected that CFS "feels like" a bad case of the flu.  But this time, I noticed how the flu has amplified my CFS symptoms -- CFS on steroids! -- and I can now see the similarities.

I've been a lump on a log.  No writing.  No blogging.  No tweeting.  Barely any Facebook.  I'm hoping this week is a little more productive for me, but I still plan on taking it easy.

Getting the flu has also made me curious about the immune deficiencies of CFS.  I've heard about it but never really understood how it works.  I have noticed that although my throat and sinuses hurt, my body doesn't seem to be trying to get rid of the germs -- no mucous.  I've been doing a daily nasal rinse to compensate, and I think it's been helpful.  Hm.  I guess, after four years, there's still more for me to learn and understand about this disease.

Hope you all are doing well -- as good as can be expected, at least!  Enjoy your week of Thanksgiving.

A Different Kind of Ouch

Words that strike fear in the heart of any PWC (person with CFS):  I have a tooth ache.

It started Monday night, innocuous enough, but by Tuesday morning, it was raging.  I called my dentist, and they were able to squeeze me in yesterday at 3:30 pm.  Right in the middle of my scheduled rest.  :(

I was told I needed a root canal.  Hm, that's interesting, because the dentist I went to about five years ago was supposed to have done a root canal on that tooth.  Rip-off artist.  I guess that's what you get when you are in a new community and don't know how to get referrals to the good guys.

The procedure took about an hour and a half.  Luckily, I was able to ask for and receive nitrous oxide.  Ah, good ol' nitrous oxide.  At least it minimized some of the stress of the situation.  Hopefully, it will minimize my crash as well.

Because crashing I am!  I took pain medication last night before bed, but I woke at 2:15 am in agony.  Took more pills, but I awoke again at 5:15 am and had to wait another hour before I could safely take more pills.  I was grateful for the pain management techniques I had learned during my childbirth years.  I took another pill at 6:30 am.  Now I have to wait another hour before I can take another pill.  :(

Luckily, my kids are out of school for the long weekend, and I have no responsibilities I need to muddle through.  Just rest and recuperate.  I hope the crash is minimal and short-lived.  A root canal for a healthy person is traumatic enough; for PWCs, it's brutal.

Exciting News for Me

Many of you know that I started a website, Chronic Fatigue Community, about two years ago.  I spent a lot of time developing it, adding pages and articles about various topics related to CFS.  I was especially proud of the blog roll I had which included many of your blogs.  That list was the most visited page on my website, and it had the most repeat visits as well.

Well, my health deteriorated, and I was unable to keep adding to the site.  And although the site was a labor of love, and not expected to generate much income, I found that the annual $299 maintenance fee was too much for me.  So I made the decision to not renew it this year.

I just received an e-mail from the parent company, Site Sell.  They've made me a tremendous offer.  They want to reactivate the site and take over management of it.  They will monetize it and maybe add a few more articles to it and make it profitable.  They will split the proceeds with me 80/20 (I'd get 20% for doing nothing).  I have the option of renewing the website again at any time and taking it back over, keeping the benefits that they've added to the website.

They made the offer based on the website's content and potential.  They said they make an offer like this to only about 15% of the websites that choose not to renew.  I'm so excited that all that hard work won't go for naught, and that the information I've collected and shared will still be available to the public.  I'm also excited that the referrals to your blogs will still be accessible for people who are looking for support through the blog community.  If it ends up being profitable, well, it would be exciting to be able to add to the family's income for a change.

The site is www.chronic-fatigue-community.com .  It will still be down for awhile until they get it up and running again.