“Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend." - Sarah Ban Breathnach

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Hope and False Hope

I was feeling so hopeful since I started seeing my chiropractor. I was finally starting to feel better. I had fewer headaches, I was more relaxed, I was getting more restful sleep. I found myself with extra energy during the day. A barely acknowledged thought kept raising its head in the back of my mind, "Can this be it? Am I going to get better?"

Ah, but the holidays. The sneaky little holidays! Thanksgiving alone has sent me back to square one. There is no end in sight until January 1st. I know how to pace. I know how to take care of myself. But, between now and the end of the year, there are so many things that I HAVE to do. OK, I don't have to, nor do I want to, but I will. I will go to a Christmas party here and a school performance there. I will bake cookies and take them to neighbors. We will visit Santa. We will drive around looking at lights. I will do all those things that make the holidays special to me and my family. And sometimes, I will find myself enjoying the occasion and feel grateful I did this. But I will be putting healing on hold for a little while.

Meanwhile, I started Immunocal. Either it will work, or it won't -- I'm not anticipating any placebo effect, because I don't really believe that whey protein is the magic bullet that will make this go away. Prove me wrong, please prove me wrong! Dang, it tastes nasty, too.