“Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend." - Sarah Ban Breathnach

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


I feel like I'm on a roller coaster these days. Last week, I had one day where I felt absolutely fantastic! I woke up in less than agony, I felt bright and almost refreshed. I could barely contain my energy long enough to get my obligatory rests. I never felt that heaviness that haunts my eyelids most hours of the day. The sun was shining and warm. Everything felt so good.

The very next day, I was feeling kinda icky. Not crashed, not wiped out, just not quite there. My body welcomed my rests, my eyelids begged for more. It was annoying!

So I've vacillated back and forth, sometimes feeling pretty darn good, sometimes feeling not quite right. Go figure.

At least, the roller coaster feels more like this:

than like this:


Sue Jackson said...

Ah, riding on the CFS rollercoaster - I know it well! Love your illustrations by the way!!

You described it perfectly - those good days are so delicious and surprising - what a treat! And the inevitable downturn is always a bummer.

I could use one of those good days about now...they've been rare this winter.


dominique said...

That second photo almost made me throw up! Phew!

I hate the roller coaster thing and I have been doing the same thing except I am not making it to good/or great. Just horrible to bad and back.

I am so glad that you are having some good days thrown in to the mix. That is always a wonderful thing! :-)

PJ said...

Such an accurate description -- except I think my ups & down are more frequent ... even within the same day most of the time! Right now I can hardly keep my eyelids open, but earlier I felt great. The good ol' CFS rollercoaster!

Enjoy the good and take it easy with the bad :)

Lori said...

Love your comparison and SO glad you aren't on the big one! Hope you're continuing to have good days like the one you had last week.

Jo said...

Ah, those heady days of 'almost' normal. I'm glad you are having them, gives hope to the rest of us.

I tend to think of CFS as a whiteknuckle ride.
Nice post, thanks.

Toni said...

Hi Shelli. I, too, think that it's a good sign that you're having near normal days. I never do. For me, the roller coaster is what happens when I start a new treatment. If I experience any improvement on the new treatment, my expectations take me to the top of that roller coaster and the ride down (when the treatment fails to "cure" me) can take me deeply into the blues. It's just another difficulty CFSers face I think: that roller coaster ride. Thanks for the post.

Shelli said...

PJ -- yes, I have my ups and downs throughout the day, too.

Also, this is all relative. I've felt so awful lately that this just feeling a little better is like coming up for air. Still, I'm hopeful that it means I'll eventually get back to where I once was.

sarah said...

hope this finds you feeling really good....Sarah