Going to the Well

Hello, my cyber fount of knowledge! I have a question for all of you. Has anybody tried any homeopathic remedies for CFS? What has been your experience? Thank you!!!

Tender Mercies

I came across this on Facebook today. I think there are some of us struggling lately who may want a little comfort. Although it is from my religion, LDS, it is a universally Christian message. I hope you don't mind my sharing it.

After the Storm

(ramblings)

Such pain in my heart today. I try so hard to endure it well, to hold onto hope, to find joy in the journey. Sometimes it just bubbles out of me. Of course this journey is difficult and painful. Giving in once in awhile doesn't negate my handling the situation with patience and grace. It's simply choosing not to deny the reality of the situation.

This is real suffering. That doesn't mean that there is not merit to it, that there isn't an abundance of joy. It's simply acknowledging that this sucks.

I think I started crying not because I realized that this sucks, but because I felt God acknowledging to my heart that this sucks. Yes, it is hard. Yes, I hurt. Yes, every moment of every day is a struggle. Yes, I want to be more. No. I can't.

Perhaps it's a reminder to be gentle. I can't beat myself up over what I cannot control. Pushing myself over little things is counterproductive, short term, not big picture. They are not as important as I am. Rom tries to remind me of that. Even with my limitations, he tells me, I am important to them. Now, my Father is telling me the same thing. I am important to Him.

I will take it easy today. I will be gentle. I will do one thing at a time. If I only do one thing, that is OK.

Rollercoasting

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster these days. Last week, I had one day where I felt absolutely fantastic! I woke up in less than agony, I felt bright and almost refreshed. I could barely contain my energy long enough to get my obligatory rests. I never felt that heaviness that haunts my eyelids most hours of the day. The sun was shining and warm. Everything felt so good.

The very next day, I was feeling kinda icky. Not crashed, not wiped out, just not quite there. My body welcomed my rests, my eyelids begged for more. It was annoying!

So I've vacillated back and forth, sometimes feeling pretty darn good, sometimes feeling not quite right. Go figure.

At least, the roller coaster feels more like this:







than like this:

What? Me a Sugar Doll?

I woke up this morning to find out that Sue has nominated me for the Sugar Doll award! I am to tell you ten things about myself, and then nominate some other deserving bloggers. I have to admit, I'm going to cheat a little -- here are the ten things I told Kerry over at Lemon-Aide.

1. I once licked a snail because my big sister told me they taste like bubble gum.
2. I hiked to the top of Squaw Peak in Utah my freshman year of college. I didn’t know they had a trail.
3. I think chocolate makes the world go around.
4. My husband gets a pedicure with me every month.
5. I went skinny dipping with my best friend at a public beach in the middle of winter.
6. I once caught a baby octopus.
7. I served a Mormon mission in France for 18 months when I was 21.
8. I have a bachelor’s degree in zoology.
9. I have six kids, which is the closest I’ve ever come to using my degree in zoology.
10. I’m working on writing a novel.

I'm nominating:

Forgetful Girl
Lyme Is Crazy
Alyson at Alysons CFIDS Blog

Inch by Inch

I think ... do I dare say it aloud? ... that I may be getting better! It's that ephemeral something that I can't quite put my finger on. I wouldn't say that my capacity has increased. It's just that, during the day I feel a little lighter, a little clearer, a little more present. My body is making more sense. When I've exerted myself, I feel worn out, and my rests are a little longer than usual. If I've had a quiet day, I don't feel like resting at all (see my last post!), and I have to force myself to stay in bed for half an hour. A few moments of activity aren't weighing me down for days; I actually feel like I'm bouncing back quicker.

Now, when I say bounce back, I mean back to my new normal. I'm still nowhere near where I was before the summer. However, I no longer feel like one of those rock climbers stuck on a cliff with nowhere to go, fearful that if I move I'll slide further down or even plummet to my death. I'm reaching, and I can see tiny handholds, and there is a slow, steady path ahead of me.

Determined to Do Nothing

I think I'm a smart girl.

I've had CFS for over three years. I know how to manage it, more or less. I know that I have to pace my activity; I know I need to incorporate rest every day.

Most days, I do pretty well. I have two scheduled rests during the day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. I allow my body to determine the length of each rest period. It typically ranges from half an hour to two hours. It feels good, and I know it is good for me.

But ... there are simply some days when I become as rebellious as a two year old! I know I'm tired. I feel my eyes starting to itch. Maybe my eyelids are even drooping, and I'm fighting to keep them open. But I'm having so much fun! I am enjoying this day and don't want to miss a minute of it, let alone 30 to 120 minutes at a time. I'm an adult, for crying out loud! I want to stay up like a big girl.

Yes, I am an adult, and so I make the adult decision. I take my nap.