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“Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend." - Sarah Ban Breathnach

Monday, December 27, 2010

Christmas Crash

Everyone who is Christmas crashing, raise your hand!

I know it's not just me.  I have a sneaking suspicion that pretty much all of us overdid it for the holidays.

Christmas is a time of reflection for me, a time for taking stock.  What I learned this year is that, although CFS is not supposed to be a progressive disease, it has certainly been progressive for me.  Each year, I have gotten worse and worse, and I've been able to do less and less.  All I accomplished this year was shopping, and most of that was done online.  Even so, by Christmas morning, I felt like I had just run a marathon and could barely crawl across the finish line.  I ended up taking an hour and a half rest in the morning and another hour rest in the afternoon, and I still felt miserable well into the evening.  I was grateful my family went to my in-laws without me, even while I was sad to miss out on the fun.

I suppose the good news is that I felt much better yesterday, so I didn't stay horribly crashed too long.  I'm happy to get back to my regular routine, you know, the one where I'm actually taking care of myself.  I love Christmas, but this isn't the Christmas I remember.  Once again, I find myself packing it away and saying to myself, "Next year has to be better."

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, and that it was a time well worth it!  And here's to a healthier New Year for us all.

13 comments:

Ginny said...

I would raise my hand if I could actually lift it over my head. Definitely crashed big-time this holiday!

Renee said...

Ours was to be a quiet Christmas with time spent with our youngest and her son on Christmas Day.....and then a family crisis was thrust upon us and stress has been major. So, all good intentions......and all that!! I did not think I was doing tood bad until I took a two hour nap this afternoon and woke up feeling like it must be bedtime:) Yep..time to recoup and I, like you Shelli, reflect after Christmas and am already making new goals and feeling ready for new adventures...in healing!
Hugs to you as you rest.

willywagtail said...

I have found that as the years progress I can do less and less while still remaining happy. That is why I have always balked at the idea that it is depression alone that causes my problems. I have just been diagnosed by a natural practioner as XMRV postive but still ned to get it confirmed by testing. But even if that comes back negative (I am sure it will because everything always does!!) I will still have the knowledge that there are more reasons for why I am like this. It also helps to know that you need to simply accept your limitations, ignore others lack of understanding and not overdo yourself. I don't celebrate Christmas but have found that the last couple of weeks chang e to running my daughter to work and back every day plus getting up to care for all the dogs we are inding for the holidays has nearly worn me out completely back to the land of fog and I still have a long weekend away with my eldest daughter next week. Grrr!! Cherrie

Sherlock said...

We had a quiet weekend too. I knew putting up the holiday decorations would wear me out so I did a little bit each day starting way back in November. I had to curb my impatience to get it done all at once. For me, taking down the holiday stuff won't happen until mid-January or even into Feb. It's so pretty and I like to enjoy it all for more than just a month or two. Putting it all away will take a week, little bit at a time for several days.

I've learned to pace myself and know that if I don't, I'll pay all too dearly for days after. It's the only way I can get through.

Wishing you a healthier 2011.

Shelli said...

Ginny -- It looks like I'm in good company!

Renee -- I'm so sorry to hear you've had some family trouble. The best laid plans, eh. I hope you're able to recuperate well, too.

Cherrie -- VIP Dx is the most reliable lab for getting tested, but they're expensive. I agree, it's not just depression. For all the whining I do here on my blog, I am generally a happy person, too.

Shelli said...

Sherlock -- Bravo for your pacing success! I'll have to try to learn from you. My problem, I think, is that I always try to do the same thing I was able to do last year, and it just doesn't work. I'm learning though.

Laurel said...

Hand raised! My CFS has gotten progressively worse over the years as well, as it has for a few others I know. I'm hoping that'll change soon, especially if they finally figure this complicated disease out and come up with related treatments. Fingers crossed it happens this coming year. Hope you are holding up okay!

kitty said...

Oh no, everyone is crashing aren't they! We have family coming down tomorrow so I'm not looking forward to it - sounds horrible doesn't it but I know you all understand what I mean. Rest up everybody and feel better soon x

Judy said...

Yep, been crashed since the day after Christmas. I can still hardly lift my feet to walk. Luckily the hardwood floors are feet-shuffling-friendly!

Judy

dominique said...

I raise my hand as well. I was thinking just yesterday that my energy levels are down by almost 50% to where they were just a year ago. My memory has gotten worse as well and I just am not coping as well as I use to. Despite that, I am still determined to move forward! :-)

Christmas for me this year was extremely difficult, quitet and lonely. I am in another crash I think probably from all the stress this year has brought.

I am so looking forward to a new year and leaving this one behind. I'm looking for a fresh start if you will.

I hope you are able to get back to yoru 'normal' and that 2011 is the year your fulfill some of your amazing dreams!

P.S. I have never understood how this illness is not progressive when Dr. Cheney maps out three different phrases or that we still don't know the causual link. Odd.

Shelli said...

Ha! I knew I wasn't alone. Laurel, thank you for your well wishes.

Kitty -- Good luck. I know that mixture of dread and excitement when loved ones come to visit. I hope you weather it well.

Judy -- Yay for hardwood floors! Hope you're doing well.

Dominique -- Yes, I would say you've had enough stress this last year to keep you crashed for awhile. Time to catch our breath and welcome the new year!

ZzirF said...

Hands up but it turns out I might have an infection to explain it - have not been in this much pain everywhere for a long time and it's been going on for a long time - grrr

Shelli said...

Zzirf -- It's nice when you can come up with an explanation. Still awful to go through. Hope you're feeling better soon!